Sheitels and Tznius
Last week I got a new sheitel. I haven't really bought a nice(ish) one since I got married, and that is almost five years. I had never felt really comfortable in the one I originally bought but since I spent the money (only about $300, I got it from a gmach in Israel), I thought I ought to use it.
The new one I bought is also from Israel. I bought it from Michal Wigs. It is really beautiful and was quite affordable. The lady I bought it from, who lives in NJ, was nothing but nice, was really easy to talk to, and answered all my questions honestly. I would certainly recommend working with this company again.
The problem is, I feel that the sheitel is TOO nice. It is much longer than I am accostomed to, and I will probably cut it eventually. It is lighter color of blond than my other. I feel like I am not wearing a sheitel when I look in the mirror. My brother in law said it makes me look 18.
I asked my husband if he thought it was tzenuah, and he is less than no help. He thinks all sheitels should be assur. He thinks the sephardim have it right, that it defeats the purpose of the mitzvah, and that it is gross to wear someone else's hair.
Now, to be clear, this is not a bleach blond sheitel, but it is light, very similar to how my hair was before I was married. And it isn't super long, but it does go a few inches past my shoulder.
What do you all think about sheitels? Is it tzenua to wear a long one? Should I just cut it already?
posted by Selena @ 9:11 AM
82 Comments:
I asked my husband if he thought it was tzenuah, and he is less than no help.
Should I send my husband over?? ;) ;).
Tell your husband to chill out. It doesn't defeat the purpose of the mitzvah. The purpose of the mitzvah is not for you to look ugly. And unless you feel gross wearing someone else's hair, it's not gross.
mo chassid,
So one who wears a head-covering (non-shaitel) looks ugly?
p.s. I think the fact that you even commented is not going to help outoftowner's husband chill.
I can tell you my opinion when I see you, that is if I recognize you :)
More blond and longer that can only be better.
Hope to see you soon
Bara
I don't think it is fair to make blanket statements about the halacha since there are poskim who have decided these issues either favorably or disfavorably towards sheitels.
Ashkenazim in general have accepted sheitels, and while I doubt that the Chasam Sofer, who allowed them as a kula, ever imagined that the day would come when a sheitel was basically unidentifiable as such, it seems that there has been no change in the acceptance of sheitels.
Sephardim in general have not accepted sheitels, or have reluctantly accepted them.
Here is something that might be of interest regarding the halacha:
http://dailyhalacha.com/displayRead.asp?readID=910&txtSearch=Wigs
And, speaking of "gross," try this only on size, "Is it Permissible to Use Hair from a Deceased Person:"
http://dailyhalacha.com/displayRead.asp?readID=569&txtSearch=Wigs
Enjoy your new sheitel. I highly doubt that any Ashkenazi posek in America would tell you that such a sheitel is unpermissible. If their wife isn't already wearing fancy sheitel, their daughter or daughter-in-law already is. They may find it to be defeating, but at this point it seems the battle has been lost.
And, I know other husbands like yours, who don't like sheitels, but their wives wear them. (I'm probably the rare exception).
MoC: I hope I didn't make it sound like my husband is the problem here. I am the one who is worried about the tznius issue. His issue is that he prefers tichels and hats, and much of the time I am happy to oblige him :).
Bara: I am back, so hopefully I'll see you soon.
SephardiLady: Thanks. I know that a posek would have no problem wiht this sheitel, it even has hashgacha :). My question is more hashkafic. If the sheitel is really eye catching, is there a problem with wearing it?
I think everyone draws their own lines in tzniut. There are many outfits that meet the halachic guidelines (high necks, long sleeves, below the knees) that I would not define as "modest," whereas there are plenty of outfits that do not meet the halachic standards of tniut that are modest IMO.
If you don't feel comfortable wearing the sheital, I'd take it for a cut. You are probably the only one who can determine your level of comfort.
I too hate sheitels...and if it were men who had to cover their hair I garauntee we would have found a heter by now.
There are worse things than having sheitel that makes you look younger than you are. Enjoy!
I am trying to contact you. Would you mind emailing me through my profile? SL knows what it's all about. Thanks.
My husband hates sheitels, under the idea that it defeats the idea that one is "covering" the hair. However, I came to a realization that I might have to work outside the Jewish sector, where they might not be so understanding about the tichels and hats. I now own two...a $15 synthetic hairband fall and a $20 full human hair. Neither looks like my hair (a plus for hubby) as mine is thick and curly. The sheitelach are thin and straight. Just the color is similar. Wear it in good health.
out of town--
congratulations on your new 'do' :-) i think that what is really important is that you feel comfortable in it. if you feel it's too long, then you're probably gonna fiddle around with it, which might draw attention to you, and some might think that's untznius...but i don't think wearing the sheitel in general is untznius. the whole point is to cover YOUR hair...and it's covered, right? so there you go. some people may prefer tichels and hats, and those of course are wonderful, too, but some women don't feel comfortable in them.so bottom line is i think you should wear what makes you feel comfortable.
and furthermore, as several people have already pointed out, being tznius is not about looking ugly. the rebbetzin at my shul is adorable, and she is always dressed modestly. i don't think anyone should feel like she has to look like a sack of potatoes for the sake of modesty. there are plenty of options out there that are tailored-looking and tasteful, without being "frumpy"....
Just seeing this blog for the first time (well, that I can remember). Don't know much about sheitls, but my wife bought hers from Michal Wigs (and hosted sales for them). Apparently, they're sold uncut, so they will be longer. The reason they're cheaper is because they're cutting out a level of sales... but therefore they may still need to get cut/styled. Something like that, anyway.
Just seeing this blog for the first time (well, that I can remember). Don't know much about sheitls, but my wife bought hers from Michal Wigs (and hosted sales for them). Apparently, they're sold uncut, so they will be longer. The reason they're cheaper is because they're cutting out a level of sales... but therefore they may still need to get cut/styled. Something like that, anyway.
Thanks for stopping by, Essie. The wigs is beautiful and I got it cut and it looks great. I hope that I can host a sale out here in the wilderness!
The purpose of a covering is to cover your HEAD, which is why it's called kisui rosh, and not kisui se'ar. You should cover your hair in a way that is physically comfortable for you so that it doesn't give you headaches and make you resent the mitzvah. You should also cover in a way that makes you psychologically comfortable, also so that you will love the mitzvah and not resent it.
Thirdly, you should consult with your husband to see what he feels is more attractive. His style of head covering is up to him; your style of head covering is up to you, because that is a woman's m'sorah, just as her mikvah preparations are up to the woman, with consultation with her mother and other female relatives to determine her family m'sorah.
Cover with a snood, scarf, cap, or wig. Cover fully or partially, depending on your hashkafah and the m'sorah of the women in your family. Cover to enhance your beauty in the eyes of your husband. Your opinion matters, as does your husband's and your rav's. Others' opinions, not so much. If other people don't approve of the style of your covering or anything else about the way you look, let them look at their shoes, or stick their noses in a book, because it's not your problem.
Hair Coverings – It is time to UnCover
I am writing to raise a simple and very important question:
Where is the codified Halacha that a married woman must cover all her hair, all the time, whenever she steps out of her house, whether it is summer or winter?
There is NO CODIFIED HALACHA that a married woman must cover her hair totally and constantly whenever she steps out of her house.
The halachah has been totally MISINTERPRETED, and in fact, relates ONLY to a married woman covering her hair when she lights the candles to welcome in Shabbat and Yom Tov – lechavod Shabbat ve Yom Tov, and when she goes to the Synagogue.
Therefore, for religious men/women to impose hair coverings on other women, whenever they step out of their houses is against the Torah. This misinterpretation of the Torah is completely ASSUR, and a TWISTING of the Torah.
In ancient times, a woman would only cover her hair upon entering the Beit Hamikdash. Similarly for the Sotah - otherwise she would not cover her hair ordinarily, day to day.
It is very important for people to know and realise that when a married woman covers her hair with 'REAL HAIR' the woman is covering herself with 100%TUMAH. This is TOTALLY AGAINST the Torah AND IS 100% ASSUR.
She can never fully be sure that this 'hair' has not come from MEITIM - despite any guarantee by the seller.
This 'real hair' is doubly and in some circumstances, triply TUMAH. FIRSTLY, it will contain the leftover dead hair cells from another person - however much it has been treated, the tumah is still there.
SECONDLY, this other person (likely to be a non-Jew who most likely was involved in some kind of AVODAH ZARAH) may have eaten bacon, ham, lobster etc, all of which are totally forbidden as unclean and non-kosher foods in Halacha.
THIRDLY, if the woman happens to be the wife of a COHEN, then she is bringing her husband into close contact and proximity with meitim and Tumah Every day, and throughout their married life - clearly strictly against the Torah.
Men have degraded women in order to suit their own sexual desires and needs. Some men actually prefer to see their wives in wigs because they look more sexually attractive to them than their real hair.
There is nothing more degrading and demeaning to a woman than to make her cover her hair upon marriage. Frankly it is an abhorrent practice. By quoting feeble non-starter arguments like 'Tzniut' - 'Modesty' not backed up by clear Halacha, the Rabbis and Rebbetzins are making a complete MOCKERY of the Torah, and all the good values that they stand for.
It is extremely unhealthy and unhygienic for a woman to cover her hair constantly. The hair needs oxygen to breathe.
In addition, hair covering is a form of oppression to women by men, and doing so, can undoubtedly cause a certain type of depression in women, once their hair is covered so permanently for life. It is a vile and abhorrent practice.
A woman's hair will lose its natural beauty and shine, she may have scalp problems, some of her hair may fall out, she may get headaches, and she may end up cutting it short like a man, when she always wore it long, in order not to have too much discomfort from her hair covering.
Do you think that HaKadosh Baruch Hu commanded this of women? I can assure you that He did not.
The commmandments are not meant to cause so much repression and oppression in women.
The Goyim also look at us in disgust when they know that Jewish women cover their hair and wear wigs. They think that we are going against all the light and the beautiful principles that we, Am Yisrael, brought into the world.
And therefore, for a woman to start doing this nonsensical act of covering her hair, all the time, in all seasons and temperatures, is against the Torah, and is also a form of CHILLUL HASHEM. Exactly the opposite of all the arguments put forward for this unnecessary sacrifice.
For a married woman to cover her hair is a Chillul Hashem, and is in no way, a Kiddush Hashem.
It is also against all common sense, apart from anything else, otherwise why would Hashem have created women with hair on their heads in the first place?
WAS CHAVA CREATED WITH A WIG? OF COURSE NOT! DID SHE START WEARING A WIG? OF COURSE NOT!
To all the women reading this: Please think about all that I have said above. As there is NO HALACHAH for a married woman to constantly cover her hair once she steps out of her house, PLEASE have the intelligence and moral strength of character to remove your wigs, and hair coverings, other than to bring in Shabbat and Yom Tov, and to go to the Synagogue.
It is totally AGAINST THE TORAH for any married woman to be covering her hair constantly, ( e.g especially in the hot summer), when she steps out of her house. This is a MISREPRESENTATION and TWISTING of the Torah.
WIGS AND HAIR COVERINGS ARE ASSUR AND AGAINST THE TORAH. ESPECIALLY WIGS FROM REAL HAIR.
It is far better to admit a wrong and do Teshuvah now, whilst there is time, than to leave it until it is TOO LATE - AND TIME IS RUNNING OUT.
THAT IS PRECISELY WHY YEHUDA WAS REWARDED WITH THE MALCHUT.
For a woman to cover her hair with REAL HAIR is to cover herself with complete TUMAH, and also against the Torah. If she happens to be the wife of a COHEN, then she is bringing her husband into close contact and proximity with meitim and Tumah every day - clearly strictly against the Torah.
Deborah Shaya,
London, England.
That was total kefira. The above post goes completely against Torah. It is wrong.
To Anonymous:
My comments are completely in accordance with the correct interpretation of the Halacha and the Torah.
That is the reason why I posted it.
Consider what I have said and apply yourself with wisdom and sense to the Torah. The Rabbis have misinterpreted the Halachah. Completely. And this needs to be corrected - for the benefit of all of Israel.
Deborah... Actually Hava did wear a wig. That's one , and second - what's with the angst??? You got a problem with torah take it up to Hashem, don't blame our sages and holy men. They interpreted everything exactly the way it was intended. Talk to our Father... He might give you an answer faster than anyone on earth. ;) G-d Bless your soul and may your inner light bring peace on the children of israel.
To Anonymous,
Chava never wore a wig. You must be out of your mind – and what you say is absolutely abhorrent.
Second: I have no problem with the Torah – the Torah is beautiful and pure. It is the rabbis who have interpreted it INcorrectly. They have twisted the Torah, and the Torah must remain straight. The rabbis and the dayanim of today are not the “holy wise men and sages” they would like you to believe they are. Most of them could not be further from the Torah.
And Rabbi Schneerson tz”l was wrong on wigs. He was wrong – and this needs to be corrected.
And that is why I have made this post – to finally remedy this situation. I am not blaming – I am correcting.
Whether you wish to accept the correction – which is true – is up to you. It depends upon whether you are going to live by the truth, and use the spark of intelligence that Hashem gave to you and all women – or whether you follow rabbis and dayanim who tell you to wear a wig in a heat wave – and you thank them for it as well!
Finally – my light is already shining upon Am Yisrael. Baruch Hashem.
Just wake up.
And give your wig back to your husband if you wear one.
There is No codified Halacha that a married woman must cover her hair totally and constantly whenever she steps out of her house.
The Halachah has been MISinterpreted. When the Halachah refers to "Covering hair," it does not mean "Cover your hair with hair!" and "constantly for life." The Halachah is that:
A married woman is required to cover her hair when:
(1) she lights the candles to welcome in Shabbat and Yom Tov – lechavod Shabbat ve Yom Tov, and
(2) when she goes to the Synagogue, because that is the place of Kedusha.
The Halacha does not require anything more from married women. This is the true interpretation of the Halacha.
The misinterpretation of the Torah is completely Assur, and a twisting of the Torah.The Torah must remain straight.
1. To all the women who are wondering about the sources:
We have all been created, "Betselem Elokim" - "in the image of Elokim." This means that we have been given something called "intelligence." The source is the very first Parsha, Bereishit - 1:27. It is time that people use the spark of intelligence and Kedusha with which Hashem has blessed them.
If your rabbi will tell you to go and jump into the depths of a glacier, presumably you would do that too – and give me a source for it?
“According to the Zohar”, I should also be covering my hair with a wig when I have a bath. “According to the Zohar and the Gemara” and all the sources that have misinterpreted the Halachah, and MIStranslated the Zohar, I should also have been born with a WIG on my head.
These sources and translations are incorrect, as they have deviated very far from the true and correct interpretation, of the Halachah.
Any man who makes such a ridiculous demand on his wife, or wife-to-be, should similarly also be required by his wife to wear: long white stockings, even in the summer; a fur streimel; grow a long beard; wear a black hat and coat constantly, and cover his face when he speaks to his wife.Wigs -"la perruque"- were merely a fashion item in the time of Louis XIV-they are not for the Jewish woman!
Rabbi Menachem Schneeersohn tz”l, gave the directive that a married woman must cover her head with a “sheitel.” This needs to be corrected. Rabbi Schneersohn a"h, was a Tzaddik, – but on this – he was, unfortunately not correct.
2.Remember that the Jewish women are very, very holy. They are much more holy than the men. Look at the exemplary behaviour of the women at Har Sinai.
The women never sinned at the Eigel, and so are greatly elevated. Many of the men, unfortunately, ran after a calf made out of a lump of gold – after they had just been given the Torah, and seen the greatest of all Revelations. The women refused to give their gold for the avodah zarah of the men.
The women were greatly elevated after such a wonderful display of Emunah, and they are regarded very highly in Shamayim.
That is why women are not even required to pray. They can pray at home on their own. Nor do women have to make up a minyan. That is how holy the Jewish women are. Men have to pray 3 times a day to remind them of their Creator.
The men are telling the women to put the hair of a non-Jewish woman who may have eaten things like snakes and sharks and alligators, and has worshipped in churches, Buddist temples or Hindu temples : on their own Heads. They had better wake up.
If the men don’t want to wake up to the truth, and the true interpretation of the Halacha, the women will wake them up – whether they like it or not.
3. Many righteous women influenced their husbands for the good at the Chet Haeigel and at the time of Korach.
It was these righteous women who succeeded in bringing their husbands back to their senses.
And because of these great women, the lives of their husbands were saved. Those men therefore turned away from the madness of avodah zarah, and the rebellion of Korach against Hashem's choice of Aharon, as Cohen HaGadol.
4. Look at the Jewish women in history, and remember how holy they are.
(a) Yaakov, who was the greatest of the Avot, came to marry the 2 daughters of Lavan, Rachel and Leah. Lavan was not exactly a tzaddik. Yaakov went to Lavan, of all people, to marry his 2 daughters – not 1 daughter, but his 2 daughters. Nothing could be greater than that.
(b) Rut, who came from Moav, became the ancestor of David Hamelech.
(c ) Batya, the daughter of Paroh, was given eternal life because she rescued Moshe from the river. No one could have been more evil than Paroh.
(d) Devorah, was a Neviah, and also a Judge.
Women who came from such adverse backgrounds, were able to become builders of Am Yisrael. That is how holy the women are, and how much more elevated they are than the men.
This was never the case with men. It never happened the other way round.
Don't tell me it is holy for me to wear a WIG! Hair over my own hair? This is ridiculous!
Similarly, don’t tell me it is holy for me to plonk a permanent head covering on my head for the rest of my life. This is equally vile.
Please Wake Up.
Use the spark of intelligence that Hakadosh Baruch Hu gave to you and blessed you with.
And give your wig back to your husband if you wear one.
5. Remember: Not a single “dayan” or “rabbi” has the slightest bit of interest in correcting the situation for the women. Therefore, the women will have to correct the situation................for ..................themselves.
Whether you wish to accept the correction – which is true – is up to you. Are you going to live by the truth? Are you going to use the spark of intelligence that Hashem gave to you and all women? Or are you going to follow rabbis and dayanim who tell you to wear a wig in a Heat Wave – and you thank them for it as well?
The next things the bloody "rabbis" will come up with is to tell the woman to wear a CARPET on her head. Not a sheitel AND a hat, but a Carpet. Or you could go for 5 shaitels on your heads and a rug.
And do you know what the Jewish woman will say to her husband?
"Yes, husband! I am now wearing a carpet on my head!"
You women must either be extremely thick, or petrified.
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